Published April 2004

In dealing with annoying colleagues, be proactive

Q. We work in a relatively small, tightly confined office setting. Up to a few months ago, everybody here seemed to get along. That’s when two of our co-workers, one a new hire, began their annoying behavior: the loud sharing of crude jokes, tossing small objects at one another from one cubicle to the next and other acts reminiscent of middle school miscreants. We’re divided on how to handle this. Should we ignore it, figuring they’ll never change, or confront it and risk polluting what’s left of the collegial atmosphere in the office?

A. Sooner or later, no matter how great a workplace may be, someone starts to really bug us. Whenever their “little” annoyances boil our skin like a bee sting, we have a choice.

Do nothing, saying “Oh, that’s just the way he is, he’ll never change,” and anyway “it’s not that big a deal, I guess.”

But it is. You and your co-workers clearly are upset. Minor irritants, if allowed to fester, will become distracting, disruptive and destructive to you and the entire organization. By leaving difficult people alone, you are giving them carte blanche permission to continue and perhaps become even more annoying.

You may also think that the costs of acting aren’t worth the potential gain. If the scoundrel is your boss, you could lose your job. You may fear getting the reputation of office buttinski by other co-workers.

But reacting isn’t a matter of getting in their face and commanding them to stop. Instead, approach these people with a proactive response. Here are suggestions on how to deal with the three most common kinds of irritating people:

• The aggressor. This is the bully who uses anger and fear as weapons against co-workers. They’re loud, think that they are always right and are very argumentative. Their goal is to instill fear and anger until we back off. That allows them to get what they want. Instead, let the aggressor talk. When they’re finished, acknowledge their gripe, perhaps even agreeing that a problem may exist. Say you’ll do whatever you can to rectify the situation on condition that further angry outbursts will not be tolerated and, if appropriate, will be punished.
• The passive complainer. They are whiners and complainers who try to get us to buy into their feelings of guilt and hurt. They have so much “going on,” they never assume leadership, added responsibilities or extra work. Deal with passive complainers by saying something like: “Doris, I notice you’re unhappy about (whatever she’s complaining about).” Ask, “Is there anything you can do about it?” If the answer is yes, urge her to do it. If not, ask her to stop complaining about it and any other unsolvable problems while at work.
• Passive aggressive people. They are gossips and tattletales who go behind your back. They are generally mean-spirited, vindictive and have an agenda they often mask with a sweet smile. If they begin gossiping in your presence, interrupt them. Tell them, “I don’t want to play your gossip games. Today it might be someone else, but tomorrow it might be me.”

Remember, difficult people choose to be difficult and annoying. Stand up to them and say, “enough,” or suffer the consequences. That’s your choice.

Eric Zoeckler operates The Scribe, a business writing service with many Snohomish County-based clients. He also writes a column on workplace issues that appears in The Herald on Mondays. He can be reached at 206-284-9566 or by e-mail to mrscribe@aol.com.

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