Published February 2005

Demand that childish
co-workers act like adults

Q. As the human resource manager at an electronics warehouse and corporate office, I am frequently confronted by employees desperate to change the behavior of other employees they find offensive and difficult. I used to recommend they tactfully but firmly confront the offender, describe the offending behavior and ask that it stop. Some employees are uncomfortable doing so, fearing the offending employee will become even more offensive and difficult in retaliation. What’s your advice?

A. As long as the workplace continues to be populated with humans, there will always be conflicts. What are we to do with the boss who screams, swears and stomps to get his way; the project manager who refuses to work with another executive she doesn’t like; the cube-dweller who can be heard throughout the office sloppily eating his lunch?

These are the people who inwardly turn us into “five-fingered gaggers,” people who cause us to wonder as we drive home, “Why can’t these people just grow up?”

They can be stopped, but doing so requires a substantial change in how we react to them. We must reverse our own response and stop “buying into” their childish behavior by demanding they begin acting like adults.

For a detailed explanation, I turn to psychologist Cal LeMon, president of The Executive Edge of Springfield, Mo., who says, “The only way to get people to grow up is to expect only adult responses from them. And, the best way to do that is for you to model adult behavior yourself.”

Working organizations that are rife with moaning, groaning and complaining are dysfunctional, and their operating efficiency is diminished. LeMon offers a six-step process to effectively childproof the workplace.

• Be prepared to change. Some organizations become comfortable by not responding to childish behavior, which allows it to continue. Reverse this attitude. Be prepared to say, “I am uncomfortable with business as usual; I am changing how I deal with this childish behavior.”
• Be the adult. Vow to be firm, but fair. In presenting your demand for change, be direct, honest, succinct and unwavering. Cut off any sign of immaturity from the “child” like whining, yelling, crying and complaining.
• Ensure privacy. Arrange a meeting behind closed doors or any place where your conversation cannot be heard or seen. Disable pagers, telephones, cell phones or other communication devices.
• Focus on the present. Don’t dredge up past indiscretions without first mentioning the most recent behavior that you find unacceptable. “I noticed you were late to the sales planning meeting,” or “I just received an e-mail you sent upstairs criticizing the team’s approach on the Perkins project.”
• Choose your words carefully. State the problem using “I” words, such as, “I get really angry having to cover for you when you are late to meetings.” Avoid getting into the “child’s” face, shaking your finger and demanding that they change, because they won’t for long.
• Apply pressure. After stating the problem, ask the “child” whether you have stated it correctly. “Am I right or wrong?” Insist that the “child” devise a corrective behavior standard that both of you can accept, then hold to it.

Everybody chooses either to ignore or reject “childish” behavior in people at work. “When you choose to be the adult,” says LeMon, “you will by model and example cause the ‘children’ who work with you to grow up.”

Eric Zoeckler operates The Scribe, a business writing service with many Snohomish County-based clients. He also writes a workplace column appearing Mondays in The Herald. He can be reached at 206-284-9566 or by e-mail to mrscribe@aol.com.

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