Published November 2005

This bus-tour host
needs some good one-liners

Earlier this year, we took our three kids to Disneyland. At 12, 10 and 8, they are the ideal age to enjoy it fully — although the 8-year-old, our daughter, spent the bulk of the trip on her tip toes in order to make the height requirement at most of the rides that she determined “weren’t lame.” Tired little girl with soar calf muscles by the time we got home.

We diverted from Disneyland for a day to do the Universal Studios tour, and, except for a flash flood that held up our bus on the 110 freeway for three hours (we learned every patriotic Canadian song from the Canadian tourists we shared the bus with), the Universal tour was a highlight.

As a businessman, I see the world — even the Universal Studios tour — through a businessman’s eye. How do they make a profit at this? What’s their secret sauce for attracting customers? I wonder what their overhead is. Then I get splashed by the “Jaws” shark, and everyone wonders where my mind was while they ducked under their parkas. It’s a tough life.

During the Universal tour, I determined that the success or failure of that entire enterprise depended largely on the strength of the open-air bus tour guides.

With an ear-mounted microphone and video display of his face in close-up view for those of us in the back, the tour guide talked about the various studio sites while he entertained us. The “I remember that movie set” comments from the tourists really were overshadowed by the laughter from the witty humor the tour guide delivered to us. Without funny tour guides, Universal Studios doesn’t work.

On Nov. 2, the Snohomish County Economic Development Council is sponsoring a bus tour of its own to show off the re-launch of the Technology Corridor to site selectors, CEOs and real estate professionals who represent biotech or technology businesses whom the EDC would like to woo into the area. As a local commercial real estate agent, I’ve been asked to be a host — which is code for “bus-tour guide” — to help point out particulars for tour participants who might locate a business in the area. Much is at stake. We’re competing with many locations throughout the country. With some of these participants, we have one shot at getting their attention, or they check us off the list.

The Technology Corridor is defined as the area from the King/Snohomish County line at I-405 up through Bothell and as far as Harbour Pointe. The area is ideal for tech and biotech companies. What’s different about the re-launch (it was originally launched in the late ’70s) is that the tour and geographic boundary now expands up to downtown Everett and the waterfront there.

I get the microphone when the bus gets to about Highway 99 just south of 128th Street, and it’s mine while we loop up through Harbour Pointe, Paine Field and north Everett. I figure 45 minutes.

With my recent Universal Studios tour guide experience, I know it’ll take more than pointing out development sites to carry the day. What I’m afraid of is this (in monotone voice): “On your left is a vacant piece of land. ... On your right is another vacant piece of land. ... Oh, there’s the ‘Jaws’ shark! Just kidding; it was an espresso-stand worker with a squirt gun. Now, turn to page two of your guide book.”

So far, that’s the best humor I can come up with on my own, which obviously isn’t enough to carry the day. Forty-five minutes is a long time. Unfortunately, I just don’t have the benefit of pointing out a location where Clint Eastwood filmed a Western and then tell the funny story about how he hates to eat carrots from the studio buffet table.

So I am appealing to you out of desperation. I need your help. Quickly. The tour is Nov. 2. If my theory about Universal Studios is right, the health of our local economy hinges on whether you can help me come up with a few good one-liners.

My informal appeal to a few select readers up to this point brought me this submittal: “That’s the corner where my cousin wrecked his truck. ... Parcel ‘A’ is $32 per square foot with full utilities.”

As you can see, I’m in big trouble.

Tom Hoban is CEO of Everett-based Coast Real Estate Services, a property management and real estate advisory company specializing in multi-family and commercial investment properties. He can be contacted by phone at 425-339-3638 or send e-mail to tomhoban@coastmgt.com.

Related: EDC to promote expanded Technology Corridor

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